Last night the hole in my heart left by Mr. Pi pulled open a bit and my heart ached. I hadn't cried for awhile but the tears flowed last night as I went to bed. I just kept replaying that last day over an over in my mind. That last time he stretched up to give me kisses and how helpless I felt watching him as he got weaker and weaker, unable to stand on his own. Tomorrow will be the six month anniversary of his passing.
Mr. Pi loved everyone and every creature. He loved going and visiting the bunnies in a cage a few blocks away. He loved going to the dog park and running as fast as he could. He loved visiting various friends we have when we take our walks. And everynight, he would curl up on the end of our bed. Many nights Mike and I tried to sqeeze in a place for our own bodies, not wanting to disturb Mr. Pi.
As I was saying my prayers last night I asked for Mr. Pi to come to me in my dreams. I wanted some sort of sign letting me know he was ok. I felt like a young child pleading with God. I miss him so much. I know over time the hole in my heart will shrink, as it has with my first dog, Oscar. I can remember Oscar without my heart tearing open. But, right now the emptiness left by Mr. Pi lingers and pulls at me.
I woke up this morning and don't remember any dreams of Mr. Pi. Little PD was next to me. Mike brings him up and places him next to me every morning before he leaves for work. Finally at 8, we stirred a bit more and decided it was time for our morning walk. I got up and dressed as Little PD waited for me at the top of the stairs. We walked into the kitchen and there was my sign....
We have some cookie cutters of various shape sitting on a ledge in our kitchen. We have a pig, the state of Minnesota and one of a schipperke (Little PD) and one of a Wheaten Terrier (Mr. Pi). When I walked into the kitchen this morning, the wheaten terrier cookie cutter was lying on the kitchen floor. I smiled. Mr. Pi (or God, or some energy in our universe) gave me a sign.
I truly believe that Someone or something aligns us to where and when we need to be in certain places. So many times we are rushing about and don't notice or chalk it up to "conincidence." Call it whatever you want - fate, serendipity, providence, fortuity, chance. But it happens. Over that past 10 years or so I've been paying more attention and recognizing it has given me a sense of purpose or rather a sense of place. I know I'm meant to be where I am at that moment. Like the time I was walking the dogs and we past by our neighbor heading off to work. We walked about a half a block and I found his badge on the ground and we were able to get it back to him before he caught the bus. I walk a different way with the dogs every morning, or rather I let them lead me on our adventure most mornings. So, why, that morning, did we walk that way, when we did? This is just a small example of the many instances I could tell.
So, this morning, I got my sign. Thank you Mr. Pi. You will always be a piece of my heart and that hole was made just a little bit smaller this morning.